September 1, 2020

118: Ask for What You Want with AmyK Hutchens

Asking for what you want or need is almost never easy. Whether it’s a raise, greater autonomy, more responsibility, or something else, it’s important to ask for what you want in order to do your best work. Plus,as managers,we need to enable our team members to ask us for what they need.

In this episode, I speak with AmyK Hutchens. AmyK is an international award-winning speaker, Amazon bestselling author of the brand new book, GET IT: Five Steps to the Sex, Salary and Success You Want, and has over nineteen years’ experience training and consulting with clients such as The Home Depot, Starbucks Canada, Comerica Bank, Expedia and Lockheed Martin. She also is honored to be THE designated Cool Aunt in her family.

AmyK and I talk about building buy-in for your vision, how to ask for what you want, how to have a disarming tough conversation, and how to create an environment where your team feels comfortable asking you for what they want.

Become a member of The Modern Manager Community to get $100 Off AmyK’s The Power of Profitable Conversations Online Course. From connecting with another and healing a relationship to asking for a raise or drawing a boundary, being a Master Communicator sets you up for success… however you define it. Join AmyK in her signature online course, The Power of Profitable Conversations and start using Magical Phrases and brilliant communication techniques to get more of the life you desire. To learn more about membership, go to

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Read the related blog article: Magical Phrases That Get You and Your Staff What You Need

Key Takeaways:

  • Each person has their own needs and wants. To get what you want, align what the other person wants with your desires.
  • Use questions to engage people in a robust conversation. The phrase “How might we…” is a great way to open up thinking.
  • Create a meeting agenda of questions to be discussed. Ask people to contribute their questions as pre-work to help co-create the agenda.
  • Instead of assigning work, try asking, “Would you be willing…” This gives the person the choice to accept your offer, providing them autonomy in the conversation.
  • Hire good people and then give them the freedom to do good work.
  • If you can, follow the “three strikes and I’m out” rule. If your manager abuses you or creates a toxic environment, after three attempts to improve the situation, if they still don’t make any changes, it’s time for you to leave that role.
  • It’s important to recognize your own self worth. If you can’t leave an unhealthy work environment, look for ways to create boundaries to protect yourself.
  • You can ask for what you need by connecting – seek to understand the person and share how they can understand you.
  • You can ask for what you need through personal power – be straightforward in sharing your desire, values, or what you need in order for the situation to work for you.
  • You can use connecting or personal power, but it’s hard to do both at the same time.
  • The life you want is on the other side of a tough conversation.
  • Give yourself permission to go back and re-open a conversation that didn’t go as planned.
  • Use the phrase “I have this story in my head…” to share how you interpreted the conversation or their position, and check for accuracy.
  • Always explain your thought process behind your decisions and actions. This builds trust and enables the person to make better choices for themselves going forward.


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